Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
