If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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