If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Say something about gay babies.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
