There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
