dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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