Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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