Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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