sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
