I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
