Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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