Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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