8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
tell me about the fingering
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
