i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
