garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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