If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
me + whiskey = a bad person
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
