dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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