she was so not down for the gang bang
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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