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My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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