Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
