After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i think my cat just said my name.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
