is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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