can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize