the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
