You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
