Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
