I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
