In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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