**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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