wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
