Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
