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shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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