someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
