I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
