mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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