I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
