Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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