just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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