what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
