I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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