Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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