My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Randomize
