I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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