Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
