someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
