So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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