grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
