Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
