Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
