? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize