Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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