remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
