did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
