I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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