I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
