I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
