Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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