Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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