I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i believe in u and ur pee
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
