dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
