I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
