it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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