Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
