They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize