My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
