That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
