well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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