Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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