i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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